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Wrapped up in a blanket watching ANTM reruns, just need a cup of hot chocolate and today is a perfect day.
I put in the last of my money with my siblings to buy my mum a gift and she stood there and said “well a gift is an obligation (really? But you didn’t buy us anything?) and went on to complain about us and bring her negativity to Christmas Day. And then when I turned around to walk away she’s gonna say “at least my other two kids are smiling, that one is so full of hatred.” Hatred? Okay mum, like I’m really done. If I listed all the things my mother has called me or labeled me, instagram would probably block me for inappropriate content. And I still try year after year. Today when she said that something just snapped in me and I said forget trying. Since I’m such a terrible person, tonight I’m going out despite your wishes to spend the holidays as a family and I’m getting wasted af and coming back when I feel like. Since I’m full of hatred.
Well I’m not in control of anything, but love especially like that’s at the bottom of the list.
I’m utilizing this page to express my thoughts because I know hardly anyone reads my captions. Which is great but I need to stop being afraid of saying how I feel. The right people will respect it. But I’m not surrounded by the right people rn so...
I remember someone posted something saying how you’ll be surprised how much of an inspiration you are to people who act like they don’t even notice you. And I wonder if that applies to me. Because I feel overlooked and invisible all the time. Are people really inspired by me?
Letting go and Acceptance are the most difficult concepts for me. I like to clutch on to what or who I feel is dear even if they clearly aren’t good for me, even if it’s so obvious they don’t want to be in my life. I don’t handle the concept of rejection well at all. I’m really trying to work on that because after chasing people and begging people to stay in your life you start to feel really pathetic and small, you start to realize that here you are chasing and chasing and no one has really made an effort to be in your life. I feel like my lack of acceptance for life’s shortcomings, and my inability to just let go of what’s trying to leave and focus on what is still there is really blocking good things and good people from entering my life. Not the greatest feeling. But how do you really learn to let go? Are there techniques or activities someone can try? Affirmations that help? How does one let go and how does one deal with rejection? Someone share their story and/or tips please.