Инстаграм @juliadawnlove Julia
SUPER EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT: I have officially enrolled in school! This October I'll be beginning my life coaching course through Beautiful You Academy (@bycacademy ) and I could not be more excited. As you may know, I've been waiting to enroll for over a year. But because of our debt, yard work to be done, vehicles to be paid for etc, we just couldn't afford it. Well, in May 2019 we went #debtfree! As you know, a few months ago my Dad passed away and we used some of the money from him to reach that accomplishment. This week we decided to let Dad pay for this dream, and use some of his money for my schooling. I feel like It's a special gift from him to me and Dad, I promise I won't waste it. 💕💕 Here's to new beginnings! #yearofjoy 📸 @lovelyrootsphotography
Grief does something strange to your mind. It's been 3 and a half months since my dad passed away and I'm still being hit with waves of intense emotions. It's uncontrollable, heavy and unpredictable. I think of the worst scenario much more often and am quicker to think something terrible has happened to the ones I love. Thursday night I struggled to sleep because of the wave that seemed to come out of nowhere. I cried for hours before finally drifting to sleep. On Friday I got my phone replaced (long story) and had a panic attack in the parking lot because we couldn't get my texting conversations to back up. This would not be a huge deal 4 months ago, however, this fall the same thing happened. I lost all my texting conversations and didn't think anything of it. Until March when all I wanted to do was to hang onto every word ever said between my Dad and I. So yesterday when we couldn't get my texts to load, all I could think was 'who is going to die...' a terrible yet very real thought. And I couldn't breathe with the weight that held my chest. Some days are fine. Good even. But some days I still feel like the world is moving dangerously fast and I'm stuck in that moment when the cop pulled up to my house. When she sat me down and I held Neil's hand, knowing what she was about to say. However, Today is a new day. Breathe in, breathe out. One day at a time. 📸 @lovelyrootsphotography
Very excited for a week from today! Join us at jazz fest to hear @denisevalle_ on the main stage! June 27th, 5pm! -- head to my instastories to hear @denisevalle_ , @lyzannefothmusic and myself give a few sneak peaks! Denise is going to knock it out of the park, I'm so happy to be a part of it again this year. Thanks girl! See you all in a week!
WE HAVE A DECK! Words cannot express how excited I am to have this done (minus a few small details and a bench)! This year we got grass, a tree, a few new backyard plants and now the final piece! Well, actually we still need to close it all in so Zoe can't run away, but other than that 🤣! Thank you @luke_fritzke for all your hard work the past few days, you rock! YAYYYY! If you are in the Saskatoon area I highly recommend Luke for your next project!
Last summer Dad took us to the zoo, and Zoe wanted to be just like Papa Fritzke and have a stick to walk with. Dad found one right away and Zoe insisted on having their picture taken. I am so so glad she did. Happy Father's Day Dad, you are forever loved and missed. We think of you daily, and sing you songs at night... Just in case you can hear them. I know he's singing and praising in heaven, laughing and full of joy. He has no pain, no addictions, no saddness up there. He's free. He's happier than he's ever been. But selfishly I wish I could take him away, just for a moment, for one last Dad hug.
'My hair is dancing!' - whenever it's windy outside. * 'I'm going to drive an excavator when I'm 5' - she's obsessed with all things tractors. And being 5. * 'I'm not feeling well mama, I better rest and watch' - everyday. * This kid cracks me up and blows me away with her energy, love and all around craziness. @lovelyrootsphotography
Whack Bam Thudd is always a great time and last night was no exception. WBT is a drum recital like you've never seen. Put on by Brad King (@whackbamthudd) and his students, every year has a theme, full band (which is where I come in in case you were confused... No. I do not play drums) and is hosted at the Broadway Theatre here in Saskatoon. It's an unreal night and If you've never been, you are missing out! I'm always blown away at the talent level of these kids and how much work goes into the night. Thanks for having me back Brad! Always a pleasure to share the stage with you and the team. 🥁 --------- 🥁 As a side note, being on stage is a definite joy giving experience for me. I am so thankful that I get paid to do what I love. #yearofjoy
Grace yourselves. Some of the best advice we've gotten in the past few weeks. It's probably something all of us could use more of. Stop bracing yourself for the worst things, and just learn how to cover yourself (and your loved ones) in grace instead. 🤷 And now I want a tee shirt that says this. 📸@lovelyrootsphotography
Malakiya Jay. Malakiya means messenger of God. Jay (apart from honouring both our mom's who's middle names start with j ) means rejoice. Through it all we know that His name will be praised. His story will shine through hers. And we will rejoice along the way as he unfolds His goodness to us. We trust and wait on Him. That doesn't mean there's no pain and grief or hard days along the way. That doesn't mean we don't cry about it all. That doesn't mean it's easy. It just means we trust that we are in His capable hands and will take the peace and strength as it comes. If you're in a hard time, I'll say it again. I walk with you, I stand with you, I pray with you. We'll make it through, together. You are never alone friend. Please reach out to someone if you need it. You are loved. You got this.
Sleepless nights, dry mouth, dizzyness, headaches, dreams (nightmares) of my dad, chest pain, anxiety attacks, forgetfulness, confusion, difference in eating patterns, sick more often, trying to keep busy, being exhausted, stomach aches... I could go on. These are all things I've been experiencing in the past few months. Thank you grief. If you know someone going through a loss, know that loss doesn't magically go away or get better when people stop bringing lasagna and stop sending flowers. Some days it hits like it just happened yesterday. Loss/grief is funny like that. It doesn't care where you are, what you're doing, what you need to do that that day... It's debilitating sometimes. I'm not saying this for you to feel bad for me. I'm saying this so you can understand a tiny bit if you've never experienced this... Know that your friend going through loss is not ignoring you. They aren't brushing you off on purpose. They more than likely are just too exhausted to reach out. They forgot. They mixed the times up. They cried for an hour before seeing you and that's why they look like that. Their sickness is real. They threw up not because their pregnant, but because their body is grieving. They still need your love. They need your hugs. They need your lasagna 6 months later so they know you haven't forgotten either. Just a friendly reminder. We all need kindness and community. ♥️ 📸@tessajaynephotography
Can I be super honest? Like a little crazy honest? I feel like I'm grieving another loss. Not the loss OF her life. But the loss of the life we imagined for her. Is that crazy? Maybe, maybe not. For those of you who have lost children or who have had a similar diagnosis to you or a family member, maybe it sounds absurd. And I'm not trying to be dramatic or unkind. This is just the truth. So please read this with an open heart. I'm feeling overwhelmed and hurt and sad and full of questions all over again. I can't explain it well. But my heart hurts for the life I imagined for our sweet girl. For her sister. For us as a family. You go into having kids expecting a typical family life. And now that all looks different. Which is okayy, I know we will be okayy and sweet Kiya is loved and lovely. But that doesn't lessen the loss I'm feeling. Why her? She is so young. I want to give her the very best in the entire world. I want her to have the best of friends and the best childhood. I want her to fit in and be loved and embrace life fully. I know she will still do all these things. It will just look differently than we expected. This doesn't shake my faith, our God is King. He is powerful. He is love. This wasn't a surprise to Him. But it does shake my world. She is still the bright eyed, beautiful, charming little girl she's always been, but I feel like the life we had invisioned for her is gone. And that's the loss I feel. I hope this makes sense. I'll stop trying to explain it now. I can't wait to see the top of the mountain view. I'm pretty sick of living in the valley if I'm honest. But if your here in the valley with me, know that you are loved and not alone. We'll get through the tough stuff. Brighter days are ahead my friends. They have to be. 📸@lovelyrootsphotography Ps. anyone want to clean my house? 🤣 This place is a disaster. Anyone else give up house cleaning when they get overwhelmed? 🙋 Just me?
Our dear sweet Malakiya had her neurology appointment yesterday. It was a tough one. Tougher than I thought it was going to be. This week we've been given new information that honestly, is just a lot to process and hard to take. Malakiya has Global Developmental Delay (GDD) and Hypotonia. GDD is often found in the autism spectrum, people with down syndrome, people with cerebral palsy etc. It basically is the delay in her gross or fine motor skills, language, etc. Hypotonia is also known as floppy baby syndrome. She has very low muscle tone. Which is why she isn't crawling, rolling lots, walking etc. We were told at yesterday's appointment this is likely a genetic thing. They can't find reason for it outside of genetics (all the other tests we've done have not been genetic related). And that this will not go away. These are not "she'll grow out of it" type of conditions. This is a forever, life changing, your child will not have a 'normal' life, kind of thing. As I type that, I don't like it. What is normal? Who's to say what her beautiful life is going to look like. We don't know. But God does. And time will tell. She is likely to use a wheelchair or Walker of some type, depending how she grows. There's possibility that she'll grow out of it, progress enough to not need those things, but we just simply don't know. We've seen her come a long way. She continues to learn, grow, develop. These are good things! With her EEG we learned her thinking patterns are not slow, they are right on track (normally with these conditions thinking is also slow), so thank you Lord for that. She is smiley, happy and loved. But I'd be lying if I said this was easy to process. I know it's not the end of the world, kids are diagnosed with worse things everyday. But this is our journey, a journey we didn't expect and aren't sure where it's heading. I am again overwhelmed and feeling heavy today. 2019 has not been kind to my heart. Joy. Why is that my word this year? To remind me of the hope that God brings. To remind me to look up. To remind me to look for the good.
Getting up early is maybe the best change I've done for myself in a very long time. Today I find myself praying about the future. For Zoe to have good, encouraging friends to walk through life with, for Malakiya to be strong and resilient and to never lose her joy. For Neil and I to be wise with our time, money and advice for our girls. I'm praying for strength, joy and bravery. Prayer is powerful. God is powerful. Trusting in His plan for our lives is hard sometimes, but he's a good God, full of love. So I'm once again surrendering it all to Him. He knows the future, He will be with us through whatever comes. 📸 @lovelyrootsphotography